Children and Divorce

My view on the affects of divorce on children from a psychologist standpoint:

With psychology as my major I’ve learned many things about how divorce and separation affects children. Most psychologists agree that divorce or parental breakup has negative affects on children involved. Children raised with two parents in the home and have a relatively happy home life are affected negatively by divorce. Their lives are ripped apart sometimes suddenly. As the divorce or end of the relationship grows near the fighting and unhappiness that rear up are very traumatic to the kids who don’t understand what has happened to their once happy home. They want their parents to go back to the way they use to be. The way the parents split it tbe key factor though. Then there are the Kids in a home with both parents who fight constantly or a home with tension and anger amongst parents. They can also be affected negatively by a divorce but living that life day in and day out would prove to have much greater consequences. Experience is everything, everything we experience makes up who we are and who we will be as adults. What we experience as well as how we internalize and view the experience really are equally important. Seeing two parents split can be devastating for most children. How the parents deal with it is just as important as the decision to divorce. If the parents can approach things carefully and as positively as possible the outcome can be much better for the children. One parent should never talk badly of the other to the kids, the parents should not fight or argue in front of the kids, as it really only hurts the children in the end. mediation about a good schedule where the kids see both parents in stress free environments is as important as the role of each parent to be there to listen, discuss, and show as much love as possible to their children throughout this change. Any huge life change whether good or bad literally changes the structure and connections in our brains. We must parent carefully.

My view and troubles on the affects of divorce on children as a mother of three kids who’s husband has given up on the marriage:

First, let me say that the psychologist opinion above is still my true opinion and my goal is to put aside my emotions and become the mother and psychologist my kids need right now. Unfortunately the pain, confusion and betrayal I feel is constantly blurring my vision at the moment. The tears are constantly flowing and the raw emotion is so strong I’m constantly fighting to keep it in. The main reason I feel for my turmoil is the knowledge I hold about the affects of divorce as this has caused me to stay in my own unhappy marriage for way too long. I have been adamant about keeping our family together to protect my kids from the pain of a separation. Now I look back and although my husband and I have tried our best most of the time to keep our issues from our kids I see a whole mess of mistakes we’ve made, I’ve made even with all of my knowledge. Although most are minute compared to the lives of a lot of children but even just our bouts of arguing are bad for our kids.. Love and being a mother both makes us do crazy things.. My goal now Is to stop letting the pain and sadness control me, I must be strong for my kids, no more crying all day.. No more poor me thinking…here’s to my journey to become the best Divorced parent I can be!! Wish me luck. I know it’s Gunna be hell before it gets better.. I’ll update this often as I know the mountains I face are huge and well let’s face it writing about it helps!

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